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My awesome SHORT story

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Post  Sword_Kill Thu Jun 18, 2009 10:47 am

Once upon a time yumie dies

THE END
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Post  Aiyumie Fri Jun 19, 2009 10:58 am

Lmao... i died? watcha talkin about.. im rite here :>
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Post  Fimbulvtr Sat Jun 20, 2009 8:35 am

i like this story.

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Post  Killerjj666 Wed Jul 01, 2009 2:25 am

I love how you developed the intro.
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Post  Sword_Kill Wed Jul 01, 2009 2:27 am

thx...it took me quite some time and thinking to come up with it...how do you like my conclusion, was it good?
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Post  Killerjj666 Wed Jul 01, 2009 11:54 am

You need to build suspence, like our english teacher says. For example.

Chapter One; Intro
Once apon a time, yumie fell.
KillerRanger Screams, "IS SHE ALRIGHT?"

Chapter Two; Suspence
Yumie has been lying down on the floor for the past 16 hours...
KillerRanger Screams, "IS SHE ALRIGHT?"

Chapter Three; The Kick
Yumies body starts to decompose.
KillerRanger Screams, "IS SHE ALRIGHT?"

Chapter Four; The End
Yumie has been brought to the hospital, and has died.
KillerRanger Screams, "IS SHE ALRIGHT?"







Sorta Thing.... Learn from the better sword.
(Btw spelling might suck balls.)


Last edited by Killerjj666 on Wed Jul 01, 2009 11:55 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : KillerRanger Screams, "IS SHE ALRIGHT?")
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Post  Sword_Kill Wed Jul 01, 2009 11:57 am

AAA ok i see...im currently in the process of writing chapter 2 of this story. I'll be sure to listen to those tips of yours.
BTW, is she alright?
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Post  Killerjj666 Wed Jul 01, 2009 11:58 am

Not sure.
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Post  Aiyumie Wed Jul 01, 2009 10:58 pm

You guys are retarded. -bombs you two-
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